Two and a Half Men (2003) Two and a Half Men (2003)

TV series 2003-????


A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.


Season 1 (2003) Top ▲

1x01 Pilot
1x02 Big Flappy Bastards
1x03 Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
1x04 If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
1x05 The Last Thing You Want to Do Is Wind Up with a Hump
1x06 Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
1x07 If They Do Go Either Way They're Usually Fake
1x08 Twenty-five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful
1x09 Phase One, Complete
1x10 Merry Thanksgiving
1x11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
1x12 Camel Filters and Pheremones
1x13 Sara Like Puny Alan
1x14 I Can't Afford Hyenas
1x15 Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
1x16 That Was Saliva, Alan
1x17 Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
1x18 An Old Flame with a New Wick
1x19 I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
1x20 Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
1x21 No Sniffing, No Wowing
1x22 My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
1x23 Just Like Buffalo
1x24 Can You Feel My Finger

Season 2 (2004) Top ▲

2x01 Back Off Mary Poppins
2x02 Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
2x03 A Bag Full of Jawea
2x04 Go Get Mommy's Bra
2x05 Bad News from the Clinic
2x06 The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
2x07 A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
2x08 Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
2x09 Yes, Monsignor
2x10 The Salmon Under My Sweater
2x11 Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
2x12 A Lung Full of Alan
2x13 Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow
2x14 Those Big Pink Things with Coconut
2x15 Smell the Umbrella Stand
2x16 Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?
2x17 Woo-Hoo, a Hernia-Exam!
2x18 It Was Mame, Mom
2x19 A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise
2x20 I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
2x21 A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
2x22 That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
2x23 Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
2x24 Does Something Smell Funny to You

Season 3 (2005) Top ▲

3x01 Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts
3x02 Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
3x03 Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
3x04 Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs
3x05 We Called It Mr. Pinky
3x06 Hi, Mr. Horned One
3x07 Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
3x08 That Voodoo That I Do Do
3x09 Madame and Her Special Friend
3x10 Something Salted and Twisted
3x11 Santa's Village of the Damned
3x12 That Special Tug
3x13 Humiliation Is a Visual Medium
3x14 Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
3x15 My Tongue Is Meat
3x16 Ergo, the Booty Call
3x17 The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer
3x18 The Spit-Covered Cobbler
3x19 Golly Moses, She's a Muffin
3x20 Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
3x21 And the Plot Moistens
3x22 Just Once with Aunt Sophie
3x23 Arguments for the Quickie
3x24 That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

Season 4 (2006) Top ▲

4x01 Working for Caligula
4x02 Who's Vod Kanockers
4x03 The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
4x04 A Pot Smoking Monkey
4x05 A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
4x06 Apologies for the Frivolity
4x07 Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head
4x08 Release the Dogs
4x09 Corey's Been Dead for an Hour
4x10 Kissing Abraham Lincoln
4x11 Walnuts and Demerol
4x12 Castrating Sheep in Montana
4x13 Don't Worry, Speed Racer
4x14 That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
4x15 My Damn Stalker
4x16 Young People Have Phlegm Too
4x17 I Merely Slept with a Commie
4x18 It Never Rains in Hooterville
4x19 Smooth as a Ken Doll
4x20 Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
4x21 Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
4x22 Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
4x23 Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin
4x24 Prostitutes and Gelato

Season 5 (2007) Top ▲

5x01 Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
5x02 Media Room Slash Dungeon
5x03 Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
5x04 City of Great Racks
5x05 Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
5x06 Help Daddy Find His Toenail
5x07 The Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room
5x09 Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids
5x10 Kinda Like Necrophilia
5x11 Meander to Your Dander
5x12 A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
5x13 The Soil is Moist
5x14 Winky-Dink Time
5x15 Rough Night in Hump Junction
5x16 Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty
5x17 Fish in a Drawer
5x18 If My Hole Could Talk
5x19 Waiting for the Right Snapper

Season 6 (2008) Top ▲

6x01 Taterhead Is Our Love Child
6x02 Pie Hole, Herb
6x03 Damn You, Eggs Benedict
6x04 The Flavin' and the Mavin'
6x05 A Jock Strap in Hell
6x06 It's Always Nazi Week
6x07 Best H.O. Money Can Buy
6x08 Pinocchio's Mouth
6x09 The Mooch at the Boo
6x10 He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
6x11 The Devil's Lube
6x12 Thank God for Scoliosis
6x13 I Think You Offended Don
6x14 David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
6x15 I'd Like to Start with the Cat
6x16 She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime
6x17 The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?
6x18 My Son's Enormous Head
6x20 Hello, I am Alan Cousteau
6x21 Above Exalted Cyclops
6x22 Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
6x23 Good Morning Mrs. Butterworth
6x24 Baseball Was Better with Steroids

Season 7 (2009) Top ▲

7x01 818-jklpuzo
7x02 Whipped Unto the Third Generation
7x03 Mmm, Fish. Yum.
7x04 Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
7x05 For the Sake of the Child
7x06 Give Me Your Thumb
7x07 Untainted by Filth
7x08 Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
7x09 Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
7x10 That's Why They Call It Ball Room
7x11 Warning, It's Dirty
7x12 Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
7x13 Yay, No Polyps
7x14 Crude and Uncalled For
7x15 Aye, Aye, Captain
7x16 Tinkle Like a Princess
7x17 I Found Your Moustache
7x18 Ixnay on the Oggie Day
7x19 Keith Moon Is Vomiting in his Grave
7x20 I Called Him Magoo
7x21 Gumby with a Pokey
7x22 This Is Not Gonna End Well

Season 8 (2010) Top ▲

8x01 Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
8x02 A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
8x03 A Pudding Filled Cactus
8x04 Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
8x05 The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
8x06 Twanging Your Magic Clanger
8x07 The Crazy Bitch Gazette
8x08 Springtime on a Stick
8x10 Ow, Ow, Don't Stop
8x11 Dead from the Waist Down
8x13 Skunk, Dog, Crap and Ketchup
8x14 Lookin' for Japanese Subs
8x15 Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
8x16 That Darn Priest

Season 9 (2011) Top ▲

9x01 Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
9x02 People Who Love Peepholes
9x03 Big Girls Don't Throw Food
9x04 Nine Magic Fingers
9x05 A Giant Cat Holding Churro
9x06 The Squat and the Hover
9x07 Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
9x08 Thanks for the Intercourse
9x09 Frodo's Headshots
9x10 A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
9x11 What a Lovely Landing Strip
9x12 One False Move, Zimbabwe!
9x13 Slowly and in a Circular Fashion
9x14 A Possum on Chemo
9x15 The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack
9x16 Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy
9x17 Not in My Mouth!
9x18 The War Against Gingivitis
9x19 Palmdale, Ech
9x20 Grandma's Pie
9x21 Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'
9x22 Why We Gave Up Women
9x23 The Straw in My Donut Hole
9x24 Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!

Season 10 (2012) Top ▲

10x01 Episode #10.1
10x02 A Big Bag of Dog
10x03 Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt
10x04 You Know What the Lollipop Is For
10x05 That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam
10x06 Ferrets, Attack!
10x07 Avoid the Chinese Mustard
10x08 Episode #10.8
10x09 I Scream When I Pee
10x10 One Nut Johnson
10x11 Give Santa A Tail-Hole
10x12 Welcome to Alancrest
10x13 Grab A Feather And Get In Line
10x14 Run Steven Staven! Run!
10x15 Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It
10x16 Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby
10x17 Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries
10x18 The 9:04 from Pemberton
10x19 Big Episode. Someone Stole A Spoon
10x20 Bazinga! That's From a TV Show
10x21 Another Night With Neil Diamond
10x22 My Bodacious Vidalia
10x23 Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped

Season 11 (2013) Top ▲

11x01 Nangnangnangnang
11x02 I Think I Banged Lucille Ball
11x03 This Unblessed Biscuit
11x04 Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank
11x05 Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003
11x06 Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants
11x07 Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie
11x08 Mr. Walden, He Die, I Clean Room
11x09 Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer
11x10 On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer!
11x11 Taze in the Lady Nuts
11x12 Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.
11x13 Bite Me, Supreme Court
11x14 Three Fingers of Creme de Menthe
11x15 Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin
11x16 How to Get Rid of Alan Harper
11x17 Welcome Home, Jake
11x18 West Side Story
11x19 Daddy's Got a Healthy Flavor Stick
11x20 Lotta Delis in Little Armenia
11x21 Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot
11x22 Oh, Wald-e, Good Times Ahead

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